ay_my_lord | (no subject)

(no subject)

*he's waiting outside Hamlet's window this the evening, tossing little pebbles at it--he feels old-fashioned and teenaged at once, but he's not reaching Hamlet's cell phone so really this is not as silly as it feels. tick, tick go the stones against the glass, small and insistent taps like some kind of code that he's forgotten how to decipher*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*draws an arm around him* Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.

*soft* Not just playing, but really being?

How d'you mean?

I mean ... it's hard for us to be just an ordinary couple, when you've got political obligations and obligations to your father ...

*bites his lip* What's an ordinary couple?

You know ... living together, maybe. Making a life together that's ours and no one else's.

We can do that.

Can we really?

*hesitates -- something twisting in him*

*takes his hand* It's all right. I knew when I started dating you that you were a prince. I'm really glad about everything we have.

I don't want to be a prince. I --

*just leans against him, warm and steady--would never, ever admit to him that he's sometimes thought about being apart as being free*

*shaking a little, in his hands, and he doesn't notice it at first, he doesn't --* When -- when I told you I fell out of a tree. That was true, but -- *laughs* -- but Laertes pulled me out of the tree. And then he hit me. He was in the graveyard with Guil, and I spooked him, and it was dumb, but ... They were there because they saw dad. I want my own life, I want it with you, I want them to let go of me, my dad and my mom who says I'm the only thing she has left of dad, and because I'm his son I can't be anything else, I can't go anywhere else. I can't be my own with everything reminding me. But I wanted to forget. I wanted everyone to forget, I wanted to be my own, I wanted to be ... *struggling to still his hands, noticing them now* Or I wanted to not be.

*holds him--holds him* I want you to be your own, too. I want you to stay. *as though death were another country, and Hamlet might go there on a long visit*

*he very well might* But do you know what I thought? I thought it would be so nice, if they found some way to make him go. I told Laertes -- I told him to stay away from dad. But I thought it would be so nice. I thought, my uncle's a bastard, but he's right, grieving has to end. You can't live life with the dead always in it. If dad went on to where the dead belong, if dad could let go, then so could I ... but I know he's not a peace, and I know that he won't be, and that's why everything's so hard. I owe him. I don't want to be prince, I don't want to be king, but don't I owe it to dad to try? I don't want to stay here, but don't I owe it to dad, to take care of mom when he's gone? I don't want to kill. I don't want to. Dad said if I loved him, I'd do what he said. My uncle's wrong ... when you love someone, grieving doesn't end ... it becomes less, but something's always absent, always aching ... but what if I don't love dad? I don't want to do what he said, and I let myself think it would be better if he was gone ...

Well ... you shouldn't be in a relationship where someone tells you that you have to prove your love or it doesn't count. That's cruel of him.

Sometimes I think I hate him.

*carefully* Because he asked this, or ...?

*shutting up, looking down at their hands -- he didn't mean to make that confession, and that's what is, the acknowledgment of a sin*

*oh, Hamlet. ;__; just keeps him close, close--doesn't know what's going through his head, doesn't know how to help it*

You're right -- we can't be a normal couple. *weak smile* But thank you for playing along with me.

*won't cry--Hamlet needs him to be strong--but he does hold him a little too close, a little too hard, and kisses his hair because it's what's nearest*

*laughs, leaning heavy against him, head on his shoulder* You aren't as shy as you used to be about kissing in public.

It's just little kissing. You used to make out with me as though you were afraid of ... *dying* It was a lot. Now you just kiss me a little.

I love you.