ay_my_lord | (no subject)

Probably. But that doesn't mean they can't work with anyone else -- everyone was just about sleeping with each other in theater club in high school, too, but we still let new people in and we only corrupted them a little. And they let you try out.

... you never told me about that. *nudge*

... I didn't? *sheepish* Oh -- well. I wasn't sleeping with anyone but you. And I was only teasing-corrupting.

*smile* It would've been okay, if you had been ... it was a long time ago, wasn't it?

*slightlysad smile* I was a different person.

But you're still a good one. Still a person I love. *they've reached a little tree-lined lane, now--the shadows close off the sun a bit*

*and his heart feels a little lighter, then, for the weight of having changed, for the sun-in-the-trees and the assurance both -- he laughs* I was a brat a lot of the time. Probably still am. *kiss* But I was always crazy about you.

*pulls them to sit under a large and spreading tree, and leans on his shoulder* Can we just be together? Like any other couple?

*draws an arm around him* Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.

*soft* Not just playing, but really being?

How d'you mean?

I mean ... it's hard for us to be just an ordinary couple, when you've got political obligations and obligations to your father ...

*bites his lip* What's an ordinary couple?

You know ... living together, maybe. Making a life together that's ours and no one else's.

We can do that.

Can we really?

*hesitates -- something twisting in him*

*takes his hand* It's all right. I knew when I started dating you that you were a prince. I'm really glad about everything we have.

I don't want to be a prince. I --

*just leans against him, warm and steady--would never, ever admit to him that he's sometimes thought about being apart as being free*

*shaking a little, in his hands, and he doesn't notice it at first, he doesn't --* When -- when I told you I fell out of a tree. That was true, but -- *laughs* -- but Laertes pulled me out of the tree. And then he hit me. He was in the graveyard with Guil, and I spooked him, and it was dumb, but ... They were there because they saw dad. I want my own life, I want it with you, I want them to let go of me, my dad and my mom who says I'm the only thing she has left of dad, and because I'm his son I can't be anything else, I can't go anywhere else. I can't be my own with everything reminding me. But I wanted to forget. I wanted everyone to forget, I wanted to be my own, I wanted to be ... *struggling to still his hands, noticing them now* Or I wanted to not be.

*holds him--holds him* I want you to be your own, too. I want you to stay. *as though death were another country, and Hamlet might go there on a long visit*

*he very well might* But do you know what I thought? I thought it would be so nice, if they found some way to make him go. I told Laertes -- I told him to stay away from dad. But I thought it would be so nice. I thought, my uncle's a bastard, but he's right, grieving has to end. You can't live life with the dead always in it. If dad went on to where the dead belong, if dad could let go, then so could I ... but I know he's not a peace, and I know that he won't be, and that's why everything's so hard. I owe him. I don't want to be prince, I don't want to be king, but don't I owe it to dad to try? I don't want to stay here, but don't I owe it to dad, to take care of mom when he's gone? I don't want to kill. I don't want to. Dad said if I loved him, I'd do what he said. My uncle's wrong ... when you love someone, grieving doesn't end ... it becomes less, but something's always absent, always aching ... but what if I don't love dad? I don't want to do what he said, and I let myself think it would be better if he was gone ...

Well ... you shouldn't be in a relationship where someone tells you that you have to prove your love or it doesn't count. That's cruel of him.

Sometimes I think I hate him.