ay_my_lord: (Crushed)
[personal profile] ay_my_lord
*it's only a soft, timid knock on Guildenstern's door--quiet, not presuming, and yet loud enough to be heard. should Guil open his door on this particular January afternoon, he will see that Horatio is pale with cold--he has only a jacket, no hat or scarf or gloves--and, in some indefinable way (perhaps more frighteningly), his face conveys that he has not smiled once today--*

Date: 2007-02-25 12:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*and though no one has ever (at least not aloud) accused Guil of being tender and empathic, he is not so blind that he cannot tell when something is wrong -- even in the space of a glimpse as he opens the door (but perhaps that's only the January air; no reason the absence of a smile should chill him)* ... Hello.

Date: 2007-02-25 05:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*soft, crushed* Can I please come in?

Date: 2007-02-26 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*wry, cautious* I have an apprehension that if you don't, you may just stand there until you freeze.

Date: 2007-02-26 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*nods, no spirit in it* Or maybe go to an arcade until it closes, or something. Maybe to a bar. *barely meeting his eyes* Please, can I come in?

Date: 2007-02-26 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*opening the door a little wider for him, then, silent --*

Date: 2007-02-26 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*sinks bonelessly onto Rosencrantz's bed* I broke up with Hamlet.

Date: 2007-02-26 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
Ah. *a beat* ... He's not threatening to kill himself yet, is he?

Date: 2007-02-26 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
Not threatening ... I just thought, he'd been doing so much better, and it would be okay, maybe, since he has to marry a princess anyway, especially if he wants the election when Claudius is out, and I think he does ... and I just ... I just ... *a little sound, almost a sob* I had to, eventually, so at least it could be when I finished helping him, and he was okay ...

Date: 2007-02-26 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*patient, mostly, calm, even if it has to be a forced calm, fingers tapping against the closed door* And?

Date: 2007-02-26 12:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*miserably* And I don't know. He was just quiet. And sad.

Date: 2007-02-26 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
Surely you didn't expect him to be happy about it? This is a man once so in love with you he literally saw you everywhere -- but none of us, I think, would argue that constitutes the healthiest or most stable of relationships. Either he'll recover or he won't. What about you?

Date: 2007-02-26 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
I just didn't like hurting him ... *looks down* I'll be fine. I haven't loved him for more than a year, so I'll be all right, if he's all right.

Date: 2007-02-26 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*wry* And yet I'm less than convinced you are all right.

Date: 2007-02-26 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*soft* I didn't say I was.

Date: 2007-02-26 02:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
Only one of the many reasons not to be convinced.

Date: 2007-02-26 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*half-smile* I'm sad because I know just how Hamlet feels ... because I've been in love with someone else for almost exactly a year, and he's never going to love me back, we can't be together, but I still want ... *looks away* I've never told you anything about myself before, really, have I?

Date: 2007-02-26 04:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
... No. *and that makes him cautious, like anything new (unknown) does* No, you don't. But don't let that stop you, by any means.

Date: 2007-02-26 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*eyes closed, hands threaded together so tightly that they're white at the knuckles (still red from the cold)* I used to love Hamlet, a lot, but I always knew we couldn't really be together, especially if he wanted to be king someday. So I told myself I would love him forever, even when he was with someone else, and ... *quiet* I never wanted to be the only one for him, and I shouldn't be, he shouldn't have no one else, I'm not strong enough to be the only person he can trust ... *barely audible* Because he can't trust me. I didn't love him anymore, so I cheated on him with you, and I wanted to cheat on him with Rey, and I would have if I hadn't wanted to be strong enough for Rey like I wasn't for Hamlet ... I just want him to trust me enough to love me, maybe, but he's never going to love me. I ... I just need a friend right now, because I think I've fucked up every friendship that ever mattered to me except yours and Rosencrantz's ...

Date: 2007-02-27 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*sighs and sinks down to sit beside him, offering a hand to take, a shoulder to lean upon* ... You're not going to cry, are you?

Date: 2007-02-27 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*just leans against and holds him, shaking* No, you hate it when people cry ... I promise I won't.

Date: 2007-02-28 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*absently stroking back his hair, holding him steady, firm* There, now. For what's it worth, you're stronger than most -- an utter fool, but not a completely infirm one ---

Date: 2007-02-28 01:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*faint smile* I'm only strong enough for me, though. I want to be strong enough for you, and for Rey, and for Hamlet ... I really do. I want to love Hamlet back enough to stay with him, even though we shouldn't, and I want to *his shoulders sag* I want to make someone happy. A lot.

Date: 2007-02-28 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
Don't tell me you genuinely believe that. One: you stayed with Hamlet for as long as he needed you, long after you stopped loving him, and I daresay that takes some kind of strength, because quite frankly, I wouldn't have been able to do it. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have tried. Two: you've tolerated me through various ordeals, when a weaker man would have balked at the weight of another man's burdens, and no sane person could fault him for it. Three: I'm sure you've given just as much and more support to Reynaldo. What more do you expect from yourself? The fact that you can't make everyone happy at once is a matter of a bad luck, or of human nature -- curse that, but don't pretend it's all because of something wrong with you. That implies you might've done something differently, something beyond strength and well into the arena of omnipotence, something that would make everything better ... and if you believe that, then you really are a fool.

Date: 2007-02-28 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ay-my-lord.livejournal.com
*brushes his cheek with cold knuckles* Then why am I not happy ...?

Date: 2007-02-28 03:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mostlyrhetoric.livejournal.com
*soft, wry* Bad luck. Human nature.

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